1. Obtain a goat. If it's already dead, you have no problem and can ignore the rest of the instructions.
2. Place the goat in an enclosed room with excellent ventilation. The reason for good ventilation will, if you have followed my advice here, not become quite as obvious as it would if you haven't.
3. Tether the goat to a stake driven into the floor of the room. If the floor is made of wood, concrete or vinyl tile, you may have a problem with this, in which case, drill a hole and drive a screw-based tether device into it, then attach the tether to the base, and simply attach the other end onto the goat's collar ring. If the goat has no collar with collar ring, obtain one now and affix it loosely but firmly to the goat, around the neck.
4. Make certain that the tether strap is no longer than five feet.
5. Take a seated position about ten feet from the base of the tether stake. This will place the goat at no closer range than five feet if the tether is five feet long or slightly shorter. You want a bit of range, and after you've killed four or five goats, you'll want to increase your range up to a few miles. By your 50th dead goat, you should have improved your range significantly and won't need the tether.
6. Using force of will power, will yourself into your Causal Body. From that viewpoint, place your attention fully onto the goat. With your Causal Body vision, you will be able to easily view the entire nervous system of the goat. Now merely cause a single electron to misfire anywhere in the basal area of the brain and wait about thirty seconds. If the goat is not dead, repeat as necessary until it is.
7. See my blog, "What to do with a dead goat".
This blog nearly killed me with convulsions of yu know what.
ReplyDeleteHey E.J!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that they had declassified this material!
In 1983, Leo and I bought a Blue Ribbon Champion White Cashmere buck. His name was Joe and he was sooooo cute and cuddly. We also purchased a well appointed doe named Rachael. (I guess she was cute too. Did you know that cashmere comes from goats?)
We imported them from a prized Australian herd, but found out (years later) that the line had been infiltrated by the Chinese government and that the herd's DNA was compromised by the Chinese Cashmere Breeders Association.
Anyway, by 1988 we had a lot of Blue Ribbon Champion White Cashmere goats, and a few brown and gray ones...because of the Chinese thing.
Then in March of '89, wouldn't you know it, the U.S. government dropped the farmers' wool subsidy and we were left with our fingers up our bums, flossing our dentures and wondering how big a hole we needed to dig for eighty eight goats. (Answer is....10x12x12 square)
But "don't dig there, dig it elsewhere, you're digging it round and it ought to be square!"
Anyway, by the end of March we had a square pit dug and on April first all the goats were neatly lined up in front of it.
Leo, whose parents were victims of the Holocaust, had survived his Mother's bedtime stories of miracles and murder, and now spent the whole day happily working out angles of trajectory and calculating how many goats he could dispatch with a single bullet. An idea that had fascinated him ever since the tender age of six, when his mother told him the story of his Aunt Ruthie.
We had promised the dominant, in-tact male goats a twenty four hour period of free access to all the tactless ones, on the condition that they encourage the whole herd to line up in front of the pit. Our plan was to jump up and yell "April fools" as Leo fired away!
We were disappointed in the execution of our plan, and eighty eight goats were re-routed from that hay rack in the sky, because a spook from no-where, suddenly appeared and made us an offer we just couldn't refuse.
Damn! That's my kid bleating again. I've got to go feed the blighter!
Listen E.J...I don't know how high or what kind of top level clearance you have for this information...but there's a whole lot more to this story than the simple assassination of goats. Do you know anything remotely connected with the specially trained ones? Are you cleared to access the secret of bringing goats back to life?
Let me know how clear you are.
Tune in. Send me the psychic code word and everything will be revealed.
I'll catch you later!.....manifestCreator.